Recently I became aware of some ugly behaviors of mine. I had a conversation with a dear friend who politely called me out on my crap. I thought about what she told me and she was right. What I love about this friend is she knows when and how to deliver a not so easy message to me. Then I started thinking about some of my intentions and what I thought was good intentions really was not.
I concluded some ugly truths about myself. I realized I was competing with another woman. This was a hard bite for me swallow and hard for me to write, but looking back and reflecting it hit me, I’m competitive. Being competitive is not a bad trait, but I was being competitive in an unhealthy way and I’m not proud of it.
A couple of months ago I had a really good conversation with my sister. My sister is also someone who doesn’t let me get away with crap, and can be direct with me, you know like big sisters are. In this conversation she told me I like challenges, and I thought she’s crazy I certainly do not like challenges. Of course after I reflected, which by the way a couple of years ago I was a reactor most of the time, being in a leadership role has positively changed that now I'm a reflector most of the time, I still have my moments. So thank goodness for my dear friend and sister! I do like challenges and hence me being in a leadership role which is very fulfilling for me in that way. Some of the challenges I was enduring over the last couple of years were again unhealthy.
Realizing these unhealthy behaviors is difficult for me, I wasn’t being the person or woman I wanted to be to the world, but I can say now I am aware of it and can use these truths in healthy ways and better myself. Isn’t that what life is all about growing and learning? I’m a forever work in progress.
Photo Credit: Sparrow & Bean Studios
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